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| My attempt at the latest family photo:)
Stress. In all areas of my life. I guess that is the best way to start this blog out:) But hey who doesn't have stress? This blog is more a form of therapy for me today. I have been stirring all of these thoughts and emotions around in my head and heart over the past couple of months and hesitated on posting my thoughts, but here goes.....
Friends. Thankful for the handful of true friends that I have. The friends who stuck by me when I had my first born son at the age of 18. I was a clueless teenager raising my greatest accomplishment in life. My friends who would come over to my little Modesto apartment and sit with me on Friday and Saturday nights instead of going out and partying because I had my little Jer bear to take care of. My bestest friend ever who would meet me at the 5 points Denny's in Modesto at 2 am while I was on my break from my second job just to get some coffee. (She isn't just my best friend, but my children's aunt; Family) My friends who I didn't talk to for months at a time because I was so consumed with the stress of life, kids and a bad marriage who are still here to this day if I need them. I am thankful for my friends who have stuck out our friendship and have taught ME how to be a good friend (maybe not the best always but I am really trying). I truly don't know where I would be without them. The friends I have met along the way to this point in my life... who would do anything for me or my kids... I can't even begin to express what that feels like. They listen to my stupid pointless rants, make me laugh when I need it or when I don't, don't get upset when I go weeks without answering texts or calls, understand that I am so busy that sometimes I can't even think. My friends who I have not met yet, but have made since having Mason. I can't wait to meet you all someday. Friends. I love you all.
My family. Some are blood, some are not. Thank you. Thank you for your support, when I haven't always made the smartest decisions. For being the best grandparents, papa and nanas, uncles and aunts, funmas and etc. I love you all.
Apes (as my close friend says it). Apert Syndrome. I hate the sound of that word. I hate the thought of that word. I hate going to the doctor and having to give a repeated diagnosis of what Mason has. (This is not to say I am not grateful for those doctors educated in craniofacial specialties, but there are very few who say, "oh hey I know what Apert Syndrome is.) Insurance companies. I hate you all. I hate spending hours of my day on the phone with you explaining why in the hell you should cover this and that, and being transferred from one person to another and getting the run around for sometimes 6 hours a day. I am expressing all of this because I know EVERY other mother/father of a child with special needs feel all of these angry feelings. It's not all "oh he said a word today" or "he made this progress" or "he finally lifted his head at 16 months old". These are real feelings. I feel so angry sometimes. I don't question why I have Mason. I question why I go to BJ's, and every adult in there stares at him like he's a science experiment. The awkward feelings of ADULTS staring. I rarely go out anywhere I don't already know people, so when I go out into the god forsaken public, I become very aware of how terrible human beings are. I only wish they knew how awesome Mason was. That he is probably the coolest almost 2 year old there is. That I am so proud of his older brothers normalizing him. I wish I could shout out about his best new trick (getting into the somersault position but not flipping), or how he just started walking and is the best at it. I proudly walk that boy around, but people of society, please don't think that your snarl looks and quieted conversations about my baby don't get to me. To the mother holding her precious little baby, you would feel the same way if I called your precious little baby ugly. Friends. I love you for always loving my kids and proudly walking them around or being around them always.
Jeremy. My oldest son. He is so amazing. Mason looks so much like him. Jeremy proudly calls Mason his little brother. He loves every Apert child I have shown him on facebook as if he has had a forever relationship with them. He thinks Henry from Turlock is the coolest kid he has ever met. Callie Anne from Arkansas has the prettiest eye lashes he says. He can't wait to meet her when we visit my grandparents sometime soon. Mary Cate will marry Mason, and he tells Mason all about Mary Cates pretty bows. Jeremy is so compassionate. He is protective. He treats Mason no different than Brodey (second brother). He wants Mason to be tough. Jeremy and Mason have a bond that is so special.
Brodey. My second son. Almost the big 6. He plays cars with Mason, wrestles him, pulls him in the wagon at scary big brother speeds and would punch a kid for picking on any of his siblings. He is my fighter. Not necessarily physically, but will definitely make his opinion known.
God really blessed me with having my older boys before I had Mason. He blessed Mason. Mason needs his big brothers for the rest of his life.
EXHAUSTION. Some of the closest people in my life don't understand my exhaustion. They dismiss it as kids, and for a long time I did too. But it's not. I work. I have 4 kids. While my two older kids are at school, I am working my part time job as an insurance biller (sarcasm), finding the next best doctor who can perform the next surgeries or getting 2, 3 and 4th opinions on Mason's surgeries. Mason's weekly therapies (he has 4 in home therapies a week), driving to San Francisco a regularly 1-3 times a week for his appts. When the older boys get home from school the day officially begins. We have baseball, and we all love it. Jer is a stud and Bro is just adorable. The babies chill out at the field, and we watch them. I can't wait until Mason is playing t ball, or moved up in to competitive baseball and feeling huge accomplishments of hitting that base hit, or sacking the quarterback in his football games. I CAN'T WAIT. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love sports, and love my kids playing them. I am thankful for the outlet that it gives them, and all of the things that the coaches teach them. I can not say enough about the Galt Jr. Warriors and how amazing the latest coaches are. I can't wait until Mason plays. I know he will be safe from kids making fun of him, and will instead be encouraged by his team.
Positive notes. MASON IS WALKING. He walks everywhere really. He loves the freedom it has given him. He is so good at it. I couldn't be more proud.
So this post wasn't suppose to be as much negative as it is my way of showing we are real and all feel. So keep your head up mamas, and put on your smile and carry on. But when things do get too tough, turn to the friends you have. Thank them. We have been given a special calling, so embrace it. I embrace every moment of motherhood. Snap a million pictures and thank God every night for giving me the strength to get through another day. I would do absolutely anything for my kids, and would do every day since Jeremy was born over and over again if I had to. No regrets. Just real emotion.
One love
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